I Said I Would be Honest

I said I would be honest

So here it goes:

This is one of those days.

Those days I feel seizury,

which doesn’t mean I’ll have a grand mal seizure

but will feel like I can’t figure things out.

I will slur my words and feel blurry

and want to cry and feel like

I don’t belong in this world

and why am I here, really, why???

I am not suicidal, but I hope I don’t

live a long life so how’s that for honesty?

This blog helps me gives me purpose and

meaning and I just hope it helps

someone, even just one person.

Today is a “TV day” where I can’t

do much but watch reality shows and

shows that aren’t too complicated.

I have a caring caregiver here (better

than an uncaring one!) and so that

makes things better. I have a partner

that suffers too, who loves me and

has loved me for years and will love me

for years to come. There are three kitties

too: Reggie, Zoe and Simon, all of who

I adore, so I guess, why complain?

But today, right now, well I wish I

could feel better and think better and

SLEEP!!!

and I know when I bring my attention

to the present moment

Right here, right now

I am ok

this epilepsy, insomnia, anxiety

can bring me to my knees

again and again

so while I’m here

I might as well kiss the earth

and say “thank you”

which breaks my heart open

which teaches me how to love

which is why we are all here.

~Maluma

 

3 thoughts on “I Said I Would be Honest

  1. yes, there you are dear Maluma, at the frontlines of raw life, without padding, hurling along like a space explorer. You are amazing

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