“Why all the embarrassmentWendell Berry
about being happy?
Sometimes I’m as happy
as a sleeping dog,
and for the same reasons,
and for others.”
The other day, one of my caregivers arrived with Riley – a 2-year-old, small poodle, who has come here before. I forgot she was coming or else didn’t know, but I was having a particularly dismal morning and when my caregiver opened the door and let Riley in, I burst into tears; both from joy and pent-up sadness at having one more day of difficulty. Riley immediately jumped into my lap, and the tears poured out more.
Listen. I know all dogs are “good dogs”, even the “bad” ones. I know your dog is “the best” dog ever to pad the universe. But I have to tell you Riley is at the top of the list. She is also the Absolute Cutest Dog in the world. She is a true lap dog, weighing about 10 pounds, has the sweetest brown eyes and the best disposition. She is the embodiment of joy.
Many days, I contemplate what I can do to make myself feel better. I think of meditation, relaxation CD’s, Yoga, or calling my therapist. Serious stuff. Yet, on some levels, all these can take effort or determination. Dogs, on the other hand, take nothing at all to lift your spirits. They embody loving-kindness, unconditional love and acceptance. They jump in your lap, lick your face, are genuinely glad to see you. They don’t judge you; they have zero pretenses. This is refreshing. This is good news. They don’t care if you can’t walk, can’t sleep, are in pain, or have snot on your face. They simply just love you the way you are. And I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling at my worst, my negative judgments come sailing in. So, to have this little, exuberant bundle of joy come literally leaping into my lap, is a precious gift and a reminder that who I am, right here, right now, is perfect. I don’t need to do “it” better. I’m not a failure for having anxiety and not sleeping (again). Who I am is deserving of unconditional love – no matter what state of mind I’m in.
Thanks for the reminder, Riley.
A thin sadness runs through the evening
weaving in and out of birdsong and shadow.
Yet a hummingbird perches at the feeder
taking frequent staccato sips.
And I can’t help but see
its tiny body as a miracle,
the flash of red at its throat
proof of joy in the world.
“Deep in the part of us that is most ultimately interrelated with everything else in the universe, we realize that our own true happiness and fulfillment are inseparable from the true happiness and fulfillment of all other living creatures.Lama Surya Pas
We resonate with the notion that we won’t really be free unless the whole world around us is also free, and we genuinely believe we must incorporate that purpose into our life, whatever it may entail”.
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – The Dalai Lama
The other day I wrote in my blog that I was happy. I had slept well enough for me, was able to spend quality time with 3 friends and I felt like a “normie”. But that kind of happiness, although welcome, is conditional: if I’m not anxious, overly sleep-deprived or seizury, I feel happy.
Recently, I had an exchange with an old friend via email. I had noticed before that he seemed quite cynical and I suggested a book he might want to read that I found uplifting. In the exchange, I told him I wanted him to be happy. He responded that “happiness is a strange thing” and went on to say that in many ways his life was blessed. But a few years ago, his son died in a tragic accident and there were times he felt devastated and had a hard time functioning. He said that next time we talked he would try to be more upbeat.
I had to think about what I wrote. How can we be happy when a loved one has died, especially tragically? How can we be happy when our lives are diminished, when our activities are limited, when we are in pain? Is happiness even a realistic goal? And is happiness only based on outside circumstances?
I instantly wrote back to my friend that I didn’t want him to be inauthentic. I didn’t want him to pretend to be “upbeat”. What I wanted, I realized, was for him to not get stuck in bitterness, which I feared was what was happening. I’m afraid of that in myself sometimes, or that I’ll fall into a pit of despair and not be able to come out of it.
I think a deeper, more intrinsic kind of happiness is based on kindness and compassion. Suffering and hardship will come to all of us some way or another. If we hold ourselves and each other with kindness and compassion, we tap into what could be called our true nature, and that is based on not only no conditions, but is comforting and always available.
And yet, I know how hard it is to deal with an on-going illness, and how it can lead to bitterness, depression, despair, and other difficult mind states that can overwhelm us. Therefore, to get in touch with our innermost self, we need to cultivate kindness, compassion. This takes practice, continual practice.
This, in my opinion, is what leads to true happiness. If we strive towards a happiness that is only based on outside circumstances, we are eventually going to be disappointed; for these circumstances are bound to change. But when we strive for happiness that is based on our own natural resources, we will be tap into something that can never be taken away from us.
What do you think?
Edited to include an additional paragraph