Dieuwke, one of my nighttime caregivers, settles herself in the rocker next to my bed, as I sit up and pull the covers up around me. She tells me about her lunch date with her friend. I always like hearing her stories and look forward to them.
“She had this insight about herself”, Dieuwke says smiling. “She realizes she’s pretty tuned into the broader aspects of reality”, she spreads her arms out wide. “She meditates regularly for long periods of time, she can have all these revelations, and can be quite psychic. But the practical things in life, she’s not so good at”. She pauses and rearranges the blanket around her knees.
“You know, it’s funny – I was just thinking about the same sort of thing just today”, I start.
It seems to me that there are 2 realities going on at the same time. There’s this boundless dimension of reality you could say, and then there’s this concentrated, detailed reality. It’s hard for me to put into words”.
Dieuwke nods and looks at me intently as I sit up straighter.
I continue, “I can relate to your friend. I meditate, contemplate, I ponder about the Big Questions in life, but I have a harder time focusing on getting things done, even when I’m feeling ok”. I laugh “I can get these great ideas about what I want to write about in my blog and jot them down. But then the work of it is harder for me – the writing and re-writing, the editing. I’m not as fond of that as I am about the initial idea. I have to get my head out of the clouds and my feet on the ground”. I look at Dieuwke, who has a slight smirk on her face. She knows this about me already. She looks like she’s about to speak, but I put up my hand to stop her. “Wait a minute. There’s more”. Dieuwke raises her eyebrows.
I go on. “How does this understanding of the vastness of being help when we’re in the middle of great difficulty? When we feel like we can’t go on? When the pain, whether it’s emotional or physical, is just too much? For that matter, how does that kind of awareness help when we’re organizing our closet, cleaning out the fridge, or other kinds of chores”? I pause again. “I’ve been thinking awareness is kind of like a Maglite”.
“A Maglite”?, says Dieuwke skeptically. “Yes, a Maglite. If you twist it one way, the light becomes broad, like the vastness of the universe, but you can’t see the particulars around you. If you twist it the other way, you can’t see the bigger picture. To get things done in the physical world, you have to minimize the beam”.
Dieuwke tilts her head, considering this.
I continue. “Let me give you another example: I continue, “when I drive my car, I have to focus on driving, not the wonders of the Infinite, or else… I don’t know, I’d run off the road. Or, if I have to have a difficult conversation with someone, I can’t just focus on The Realm of Unlimited Possibilities – I have to say something”.
Dieuwke nods slowly (taking this in), but I see I need to say more for her to grok what I’m talking about.
“I remember one time when I had to go to my neurologist. I knew it was not going to be an easy visit, and that I needed to talk to him about a medication I was taking, so before I went into the office, I got very centered. When he came in, he already looked cross and in a hurry. I brought up how I wanted to handle my medication situation and he started to raise his voice, and even got a little angry. But, I immediately narrowed my focus – twisting the Maglite to one end, you could say – and stood my ground. I was not going to be intimidated! I was very, very tired that day and my stress level had been high or weeks, so I really had to use my energy wisely and not get distracted by his attitude, or veer off course. I didn’t back down, but I also didn’t retaliate. And although in the end we didn’t agree, and I had to go to another doctor who could better serve me, I felt good about how I handled myself. If the Maglite had been twisted the other way, I would’ve probably gotten scattered and spacey and maybe given in to how he wanted things to go down”.
Dieuwke responds, “Well… it’s like you said. The Maglite has the same power, whether you twist it this way or the other. It comes from the same source. My feeling is we have to be skillful about how we use that power. Every situation requires something different. It’s not really that there are 2 realities. There’s only one”. She nods, as if agreeing with herself. “Some people have an easier time in the physical world. Other people seem to have it easier in the unseen world. But, they’re both the same world, really – they just seem different. We all need a certain balance. Some people think that the physical world is pretty much all there is. Others pretty much dismiss the physical world, thinking it’s insignificant”.
I feel satisfied with this conversation and am starting to feel sleepy. I scooch down and get my entire body under the covers and position my pillow under my head.
“We’ve figured it all now, I’m sure of it. We finally got enlightened”, I say, and smile.
It’s about time”, Dieuwke says. We both chuckle and I close my eyes.
What do you think?