Still I RiseYou may write me down in historyWith your bitter, twisted lies,You may trod me in the very dirtBut still, like dust, I’ll rise.Does my sassiness upset you?Why are you beset with gloom?’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wellsPumping in my living room.Just like moons and like suns,With the certainty of tides,Just like hopes springing high,Still I’ll rise.Did you want to see me broken?Bowed head and lowered eyes?Shoulders falling down like teardrops,Weakened by my soulful cries?Does my haughtiness offend you?Don’t you take it awful hard’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold minesDiggin’ in my own backyard.You may shoot me with your words,You may cut me with your eyes,You may kill me with your hatefulness,But still, like air, I’ll rise.Does my sexiness upset you?Does it come as a surpriseThat I dance like I’ve got diamondsAt the meeting of my thighs?Out of the huts of history’s shameI riseUp from a past that’s rooted in painI riseI’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.Leaving behind nights of terror and fearI riseInto a daybreak that’s wondrously clearI riseBringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,I am the dream and the hope of the slave.I riseI riseI rise.
“I’m 23 now, but will I live to see 24? The way that things are going, I don’t know.” ~ Coolio, from Gangsta’s Paradise
It is a weird time. A powerful time. A scary time. COVID-19 sweeps across the planet.
George Floyd is murdered, which brings to the surface another pandemic that’s been with us too long: racism. The stink of shame and despair hang in the air.
Hope lingers on the sidelines.
Lately, nature is my refuge: illuminated trees in the morning light. The chaotic beauty of birdsong from these illuminated trees. Grass racing across the meadow in a sudden gust of wind. Sleek, silver fish flashing in the pond. Am I running from the realities of the world, or running towards it? Am I just fed up with the horrors human beings create? Ashamed of my white skin?
I watch and listen to the news, which fractures my heart in a million pieces. Will our nation ever, ever heal from racism? Is the ugliness of it too hard to look at, let alone learn from and change?
When Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. came on to the scene, he brought us hope, heart, wisdom, and a path out of this ugliness. As a sheltered young white girl my eyes were forced open to see racism by his powerful speeches and his non-violent demonstrations, which he taught to others and empowered the lives of African Americans (Although at the time, I lived in a predominantly Black neighborhood, ours was the only family that owned our home, all three floors of it, while my neighbors lived in apartments buildings. At that time, I didn’t understand why the difference, but, as time went on and I educated myself, I began to painfully awaken). His words and the passionate way he spoke were so inspiring, that in my naivety and white ignorance, I thought soon, “Little black boys and black girls will be able to join bonds with little white boys and girls as sisters and brothers”.
But no. Killing after killing continued and continues. Videos taken from phones now reveal to white people what African Americans already have known too well – that at the ground level, racism is alive and well. We may have elected a Black president (and oh how I miss him), there are famous and wealthy and University-educated African Americans, but there is still blatant and systemic racism that doesn’t seem to go away, and I get overwhelmed.
So now, after I watch the news, I go outside and watch how the morning light changes the color of the landscape and the shadows move across the meadow. I smile at pine cones that litter my driveway when I walk up to get my mail. At night, I wonder at the deep thrum of bullfrogs and my heart awakens and soars when I hear coyotes yip in the hills.
Sufi Master Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan advised his students about the pain we all have and carry with us and share through life.
Not directly-quoted, as there are many versions from various sources:
Overcome any bitterness…
because you were not up to the
magnitude of the pain
entrusted to you.
Like the mother of the world who carries the pain of the world in her heart,
you are sharing in the totality of this pain
and are called upon to meet it
in compassion and joy
instead of self-pity.
On December 22,2019, Ram Dass died.
For those of you who don’t know him, he was a beloved American spiritual teacher who was one of the first Westerners to come back from India after studying and practicing Eastern philosophy and religion and put it in Western terms, so that the rest of us could understand it. His ground-breaking book was Be Here Now (Dass, 1971), which I read when I was quite a bit younger and it blew my mind.
Coincidentally, my own spiritual teacher sent me his latest book, co-written by Mirabai Bush, called Walking Each Other Home: Conversations on Loving and Dying (Dass and Bush, 2018), which I am in the middle of reading, and find it very inspiring and soothing. So, because I felt so inspired and because getting his latest book a few days before he died was so serendipitous, I set up an altar for him. I found a photography book I had, with a picture of him lying against a big boulder and looking out at the ocean. I set up 2 candles and objects from the seashore and underneath it all, the words “I am loving awareness”, which is, I recently learned, a mantra that he would focus on.
And so, the last couple of days, I’ve been focusing on that same mantra, and find that it warms my heart, and so I’ve been basking in the truth of that sentiment, and how it’s true for everybody, that that is really who we are.
So, I’m not one to order you around, but I urge you to try it out for yourself and see how it feels. It’s a simple thing to do, really, it doesn’t take much effort and it brings you Home to your True Self. It’s a kind of remembering, a waking up.
I am loving awareness.
So… thank you, Ram Dass… for your kindness, for your love, for you wisdom.
Dass, R. (2010). Be Here Now. United States: HarperOne.
Dass, R., & Bush, M., (2018). Walking Each Other Home: Conversations on Loving and Dying. Boulder, Colorado. Sounds True.
Saunders, C. (n.d.). Ram Dass. Cat Saunders, Ph. D., Counselor – Author. Retrieved from https://www.drcat.org/links/ram-dass/
Shift. (2019, December 25). Shift: Personal Evolution. Being here now – Remembering Ram Dass (1931-2019). Retrieved December 27, 2019, from https://www.shift.is/2019/12/being-here-now-remembering-ram-dass-1931-2019/
Where you can find Ram Dass’s articles, media, podcasts, events, online courses: https://www.ramdass.org/
The Good News
They don’t publish
the good news.
The good news is published
We have a special edition every moment,
and we need you to read it.
The good news is that you are alive,
and the linden tree is still there,
standing firm in the harsh Winter.
The good news is that you have wonderful eyes
to touch the blue sky.
The good news is that your child is there before you,
and your arms are available:
hugging is possible.
They only print what is wrong.
Look at each of our special editions.
We always offer the things that are not wrong.
We want you to benefit from them
and help protect them.
The dandelion is there by the sidewalk,
smiling its wondrous smile,
singing the song of eternity.
Listen! You have ears that can hear it.
Bow your head.
Listen to it.
Leave behind the world of sorrow
and get free.
The latest good news
is that you can do it.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
“In case no one told you today”
In case no one told you today:
– You’re beautiful
– You’re loved
– You’re needed
– You’re alive for a reason
– You’re stronger than you think
– You’re gonna get through this
– I’m glad you’re alive
– Don’t give up
Copied from Facebook
Possible Author – Live Life Happy
“R. I. P.”
I’d like to give
this body a break,
lay it across a gentle
creek and let the
sweet water carry it
I’d like to give
this mind a break,
lead it to the wind,
and let it be carried
by the sweep of air
I’d like to give
these emotions a break,
to let them sigh deeply
against the limbs of
redwoods, to carry
them to the ground
I’d like to give
this self a break,
to surrender to that
Great Eternal Space
that holds all things
so that I can finally,
finally lay down
by Maluma (My Wild Embrace, 2010)
Dieuwke, one of my nighttime caregivers, settles herself in the rocker next to my bed, as I sit up and pull the covers up around me. She tells me about her lunch date with her friend. I always like hearing her stories and look forward to them.
“She had this insight about herself”, Dieuwke says smiling. “She realizes she’s pretty tuned into the broader aspects of reality”, she spreads her arms out wide. “She meditates regularly for long periods of time, she can have all these revelations, and can be quite psychic. But the practical things in life, she’s not so good at”. She pauses and rearranges the blanket around her knees.
“You know, it’s funny – I was just thinking about the same sort of thing just today”, I start.
It seems to me that there are 2 realities going on at the same time. There’s this boundless dimension of reality you could say, and then there’s this concentrated, detailed reality. It’s hard for me to put into words”.
Dieuwke nods and looks at me intently as I sit up straighter.
I continue, “I can relate to your friend. I meditate, contemplate, I ponder about the Big Questions in life, but I have a harder time focusing on getting things done, even when I’m feeling ok”. I laugh “I can get these great ideas about what I want to write about in my blog and jot them down. But then the work of it is harder for me – the writing and re-writing, the editing. I’m not as fond of that as I am about the initial idea. I have to get my head out of the clouds and my feet on the ground”. I look at Dieuwke, who has a slight smirk on her face. She knows this about me already. She looks like she’s about to speak, but I put up my hand to stop her. “Wait a minute. There’s more”. Dieuwke raises her eyebrows.
I go on. “How does this understanding of the vastness of being help when we’re in the middle of great difficulty? When we feel like we can’t go on? When the pain, whether it’s emotional or physical, is just too much? For that matter, how does that kind of awareness help when we’re organizing our closet, cleaning out the fridge, or other kinds of chores”? I pause again. “I’ve been thinking awareness is kind of like a Maglite”.
“A Maglite”?, says Dieuwke skeptically. “Yes, a Maglite. If you twist it one way, the light becomes broad, like the vastness of the universe, but you can’t see the particulars around you. If you twist it the other way, you can’t see the bigger picture. To get things done in the physical world, you have to minimize the beam”.
Dieuwke tilts her head, considering this.
I continue. “Let me give you another example: I continue, “when I drive my car, I have to focus on driving, not the wonders of the Infinite, or else… I don’t know, I’d run off the road. Or, if I have to have a difficult conversation with someone, I can’t just focus on The Realm of Unlimited Possibilities – I have to say something”.
Dieuwke nods slowly (taking this in), but I see I need to say more for her to grok what I’m talking about.
“I remember one time when I had to go to my neurologist. I knew it was not going to be an easy visit, and that I needed to talk to him about a medication I was taking, so before I went into the office, I got very centered. When he came in, he already looked cross and in a hurry. I brought up how I wanted to handle my medication situation and he started to raise his voice, and even got a little angry. But, I immediately narrowed my focus – twisting the Maglite to one end, you could say – and stood my ground. I was not going to be intimidated! I was very, very tired that day and my stress level had been high or weeks, so I really had to use my energy wisely and not get distracted by his attitude, or veer off course. I didn’t back down, but I also didn’t retaliate. And although in the end we didn’t agree, and I had to go to another doctor who could better serve me, I felt good about how I handled myself. If the Maglite had been twisted the other way, I would’ve probably gotten scattered and spacey and maybe given in to how he wanted things to go down”.
Dieuwke responds, “Well… it’s like you said. The Maglite has the same power, whether you twist it this way or the other. It comes from the same source. My feeling is we have to be skillful about how we use that power. Every situation requires something different. It’s not really that there are 2 realities. There’s only one”. She nods, as if agreeing with herself. “Some people have an easier time in the physical world. Other people seem to have it easier in the unseen world. But, they’re both the same world, really – they just seem different. We all need a certain balance. Some people think that the physical world is pretty much all there is. Others pretty much dismiss the physical world, thinking it’s insignificant”.
I feel satisfied with this conversation and am starting to feel sleepy. I scooch down and get my entire body under the covers and position my pillow under my head.
“We’ve figured it all now, I’m sure of it. We finally got enlightened”, I say, and smile.
It’s about time”, Dieuwke says. We both chuckle and I close my eyes.
What do you think?
“In a real sense, all of life is interrelated. All persons are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the inter-related structure of reality.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
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An excerpt from my poem “Savior”
… “a small bird whose body
I could not see, saved me.
I sat in my recliner
with all my complaints,
when this tiny chirp
burst into the air.”…
Excerpts from my poem “Breakthrough”
…”go through this messy and blessed life
thinking we can clean it up
and make it orderly”…
“and we don’t have a lot of say in the matter.
But there is one thing we can do
when grief sails by”…